Zach Townsend


June 24, 2018

Confirmed I am still smarter than my 5 year-old daughter. Her sister was off school sick, but she was convinced she wasn't really sick. I asked her, "How do you know she isn't sick; are you a Doctor?"

" No", she said, "but I am as smart as you!"

"Really?" I said, thinking she was going to launch into an explanation on quaternion angles.

"What is 1000 plus 100?" she asked, and then immediately answered with "1000 and 100."

Correct of course, but I am safe for perhaps a little while longer.

June 18, 2018

Spent the day writing a new routine for my eCommerce website to collate orders and batch process them one-by-one. When I came to test the routine I realized I'd written most of it in ASP, but the server only accepted PHP, so it wouldn't run.

Tomorrow I will write a routine to convert ASP code into PHP.

June 12, 2018

Started learning Flash today. Got a copy from Pete at the corner shop. He said it was an OEM copy or something which he said meant it was direct from Microsoft and cheaper because you don''t get it from a retailer. But Pete runs the corner shop, so he sorta is a retailer?

I'm not sure which version of Actionscript this disk runs, but when it boots up it says "Hacked by Daz" at the bottom right of the screen, so I guess that must be at least version 2.

June 08, 2018

Made some chocolate cakes today and they were yummy. I might set up an eCommerce website to sell my cakes, but I need to think of a good name for the website. Meanwhile, I'm working on my advanced AJAX technology to automatically send website visitors a free cake when they click on any of the adverts on the right side of the page. Its working pretty well so far.

May 31, 2018

Today I went for a long walk. Ended up at the corner shop where Pete works. He had some Xanax so it wasn't a wasted journey. The walk back home was quicker because I just live up the street.

May 28, 2018

Sent an email to Google asking to participate in their Street View program. I enjoy videoing everything going on in our street so I think I'd be pretty good at it. I spent an hour today driving down our street with the window half open and my video camera jammed in the gap. It's difficult to drive while you're videoing. Thank God for auto-focus otherwise I think most of the foottage I took would have been useless. Have archived the footage onto a Betamax tape which I will send to Google once I get my Betamax video player working again.

Google have drowned my dreams in a lake of my tears.

May 24, 2018

Went to the parents evening at the local school yesterday evening. It wasn't too bad. Was expecting horror stories from some of the teachers, but no real bad news - no-one had anything real bad to say about any of my kids. When my kids are old enough I might send them to that school.

May 21, 2018

My wife keeps bringing up the subject of having another baby. She's pretty clever - sometimes she casually mentions "What do think of..." and then says a name for a baby boy or girl.

I told her, if its a boy I want it to be called Stuey or Barney and if it's a girl, Sweeney Todd.

May 20, 2018

Spent the whole weekend in London and had a great time. Went to the 'National Association of Chimney Sweeps' bi-annual conference where we discussed latest techniques and met up with some old brushes.

I have an idea to automate chimney sweep bookings using Javascript, fibreglass rods and some creosote, but I didn't get a chance to pitch my idea at the conference.

May 17, 2018

I wish I'd come across Flash when I was writing video games for the Commodore 64, as it would have made my job a whole lot easier. Back then we had to manually force sprites to move using binary bits and bytes.

Guess I'm not the only one who forgot about Flash. I sent an email to Steve Jobs as it looks like he forgot to include it on the new iPhone. I'm pretty sure he'll be mad when he realizes.

May 16, 2018

Has anyone out there used Microsoft's SlipperyLight technology? It's supposed to be their version of Flash, so Pete says, but I can't seem to get my hands on a copy. If anyone out there can send me a copy, I'd sure appreciate it. I can send you a free cake in return - just click on one of the links on the right.

May 14, 2018

I really need to spend some time organizing my finances. I invested my pension plan in a shed load of AOL/Time Warner stock when they merged back some time ago. Pete at the corner shop told me the stock skyrocketted, so I'd like to cash in on some of it before I retire.

May 12, 2018

Today my cat gave birth to 6 lovely little kittens. Rather than choose names for each of them, and litter train them all, I decided it was easier to drown them in the pool. Actually I didn't mean to. I was washing them in the pool, when my wife called to tell me 'Everyone loves Raymond' was starting on TV. Of course, I love Raymond as much as the next guy, so I jumped up, went inside, sat down, and laughed my way through the entire thirty minutes, totally oblivious to the fact that the six kittens were attempting the doggy paddle with no training for their first time. When the show finished I came back to get the kittens but they were floating on the bottom. They looked happy.

May 10, 2018

Welcome to my blog. I will try to write regular updates on what happens in my life, as I realize that not everyone has an interesting life like me. Also, if I have any thoughts which are out of the ordinary, or I think could enlighten your life, I will also try to put them here. Please feel free to comment on my blog. Use the contact page here as I don't know how to 'activate' comments on this page yet. I'm still learning about many things, HTML, GPS, Quarks, Xantax among other things.