Zach Townsend


Zach is currently hard at work on a number of projects, some of which he can't discuss here for obvious reasons. Of the ones he can talk about, we're able to share some titbits of information here.

Next Generation Search-Engine Technology

Zach is hoping to create a 'next generation' of search-engine that will render all existing search-engines obselete. Running on a cluster of 386 PC's, the new platform will allow users to enter their search terms, and the ground-breaking technology will then immediately cross-reference that search term against a pre-stored database of search-terms. The technology will then pinpoint any webpage that is listed in the database as containing that search-term. Zach reckons that this unorthodox technology should speed up user's searches by a factor of n0*20 + n0*21 + n2*22 + nm*2m.

He is looking for sponsors to help him purchase more 386 machines to build the cluster. He currently has one 386, but the floppy drive has bust.

Google Street View

Zach is also helping Google build up the photo-mapping technology of local streets. Zach has his own 'streetcar' and video camera and spends his mornings driving up and down streets, videoing the surroundings. Sometimes he parks his car outside the local ladieswear shop for some extra footage. He says he has upgraded his video camera to work more like an X-ray machine, so it can see into buildings. He also uses a wi-fi 'sniffer' to check for unencrypted networks so he can archive traffic onto his Palm Pilot. Zach says if Google won't accept his archived data and video footage then he will create his own 'StreetMaps' technology (ZachMaps) which he will incorporate into his next generation search-engine technology.

Contextual Marketing

While the world has gone crazy over Google Adsense and Adwords technology, Zach has been hard at work adapting the same technology for more useful purposes. He says with his latest incarnation of Adsense ads, when you click on them, rather than just sending you to a website, his technology automatically sends you a chocolate cake. Go on, try it!

Get Rich Schemes

Unusually for someone who is hard at work on so many technological projects, Zach has found time to write some motivational e-books which show you how to get rich really quickly while expending the least amount of effort. His 2004 ebook, entitled, 'Make money while you snore', was heralded around the world as a down-to-earth top-money-making best-seller.

Zach currently has these on special offer at $179 $99 for today only, on a unique "buy two - get none free" deal. To order, simply email us your credit card details, and the credit card details of a friend or work colleague.

His second ebook, "Rich mum, poor mum", ("Rich mom, poor mom" in the US market), described his early upbringing in the Kalahari desert, where he learnt from his 'poor mum' at an early and impressionable age to barter for the basic necessities of life; food, water, clothing, Pokemon cards, Nintendo WII's and so on. As he relates in his amazing story, his 'rich mum' showed him how it was easier to get these necessities if you just took them, therefore making yourself rich, and the other person poor. This was the book that really got Zach international acclaim, and of course the Pulitzer prize for which he is famous.

In "The Power of Positive Winking", Zach's third masterpiece, which sealed Zach's place in the top 5 motivational writers of our day, he shows how anyone can achieve anything, merely by winking. As he states in chapter one, paragraph one, "Thinking is overated!, and in chapter two, paragraph two, "Winking is the new thinking". Words to live by we agree.

Zach is currently working on a new book, provisionally entitled, "Andrew Carnegie ate my hamster and didn't pay me for it - loser". Pre-orders can be made from this website, by clicking on any of the links on the right. We recommend you pre-order as we're sure this will be sold out before it's published if any of Zach's previous books are anything to go by.